New Month, New Outlook, New Goals

Well I have not posted for awhile because I have been in Nashville, TN with my sweetie. He and I are new and I wanted to spend time with him before I head off to school. After one month of being together it is safe to say we still get along. We've only had two disagreements. I think that is really good for two people who met two months ago! During this month he met my family and I met his mom. Everything is moving along nicely. The disagreements we had are something that we are working on but nothing to throw in the towel about. Unfortunately our time together must end because I will be going to nursing school 7 hours away. Which means we will be long distance. We plan on seeing each other on the weekends (2 or 3 per month). It is only for 18 months so I am sure we will work through it.

August 15th I officially begin my career change. I start nursing school at a college in the country. This experience is exciting and nerve wrecking at the same time. I have to live 3 hours from my home four days per week. I will be living on campus (something I didn't do when I went to college the first time). I am going to be completely uncomfortable but I am hoping to learn patience, discipline, and most importantly the skills I need to become a successful RN. I am going to try to get on a schedule that will consist of working out, studying, blogging and getting my spiritual life back on track. I have been off balance in ALL those areas.

Working out has been a joke in my world and I actually feel BAD about it. I really would like to lose 13lbs TODAY! So I must get back in the groove. I plan on using the facilities at my school along with some workout tapes I have. I am praying for discipline. I've joined the "Finish What You Started Challenge" with Yum Yucky . I am hoping my twitter friends and family will keep me motivated. Diet is not my problem but when it comes to being active I SUCK!

Blogging...Well I have several blogs that I do not post on. This is the only blog I use and as you know I don't do it often. I've decided to ditch my other blogs except for KissNmakemeup. However some of my post may overlap. I hope to start vlogging at some point but I am not feeling it at the moment.

Sorry for the long post I hope to keep them shorter in the future

Relationship Status

So let me start this by saying I am not the girl who has always envisioned a wedding. Mainly because I grew up in a single parent home (both parents were very active... read abt my daddy ) so I don't feel like I missed anything. Anyone that knows me will cosign I am much more concerned with being a mother than a wife. Which is why I decided I would adopt once I finished nursing school. If a man can fit into MY plan that's cool if not oh well....has always been my approach.

Now in my prior relationships I never thought about marriage. The men were usually Mr. Right Now because there was no way in hell I would have married any of them. My outlook on relationships has always been "when this ends" and like I stated in a previous blog I haven't not really been IN LOVE. Just long term relationship until they ran their course.  After my last relationship I knew I wanted to be in love but was not sure how I would achieve it. I really wanted my heart to play a major role in my next relationship. Not my head or the fact that I hate dating. In order to fall in love I feel like you must relinquish some control and I have issues with that

 Well peeps my new man has changed that. I was introduced to him via my BFF which makes things so much easier. We've only been talking a month and both of us are smitten with each other. The first thing that I liked about him was that he takes being a father serious. For those that know me know I don't do deadbeat or part time dads. That gets a HELL NO from me. Next, our conversations are easy and honest. This man can COMMUNICATE I don't have to wonder what in the hell is he thinking. For instance, I normally date other people while getting to know someone but he politely let me know he was not comfortable with that. Now in my years of dating most men go with the flow whether they want to or not. So to have a man state what he wants is very refreshing. He also let me know I will not talk to him crazy. Yeah I can be real flip at the mouth and some men just roll with it but not this one. WILL THE REAL MEN PLEASE STAND UP!! I like how when he was not in a good place he said one of the things that helped him was church. There is nothing sexier than a man that goes to church and encourages his woman to do the same. He encourages me to study for school because he doesn't want me to struggle later. I can go on and on about the guy but I'm not (maybe later).

I will end this by saying for the first time I actually thinking and hoping for a future. I may actually build something with a mate versus creating my own family by adopting. It's exciting and nerve wrecking at the same time.  It does require me to give up some control but I don't mind at all.

When To Let Your Guard Down...

As a single woman it is often necessary for us to have our guard up. I have no clue when my guard even appeared but it is there. I am not sure if my outlook on love has always been grim because my parents divorced, the things I witnessed or the fact that people make damn fools of themselves all for love. I do know I have NEVER had a broken heart and I can honestly say I may have only been in love one time (even then I am on the fence about it). Instead I have been in long term relationships that when they are over I may be sad (for a hot second) but essentially walk away without a scratch. At the end of the day I believe my desire to be in control has helped enforce my guard.

The control I have over my feelings are unreal. I did not cry as I signed the paper to remove my mother from life support, I did not cry when she took her last breath, I did not cry at her funeral nor did I cry at the burial. I spent that time making sure everyone around me was not falling apart. Instead I had a breakdown home alone a couple of months later. I also remember quickly crying in front of my best friend twice. Oh and I remember crying when I had to approve the body.

I typed all that to say this…..

I recently met this guy who for all purposes has me smitten. I am now faced with staying guarded and not enjoying the moment or rolling with my feelings. Either way I think I am going to be screwed (I’m working on not expecting the worse will blog about that later). 

How do I enter this with an open heart/mind without losing control?  All this has my mind completely blowed...

I Woud Kill A B*%$H

Disclaimer there is some profanity in this blog...
In the past couple of weeks I have read and watched on television some high profile women experiencing the ultimate betrayal.  The first was the Shania Twain incident and now Arnold Schwarzenegger .  Now women may be trained or willing to accept that men will cheat and if they choose to forgive that is their decision.  However when the other woman is a friend, family member, associate, etc it is just plain wrong.  I WOULD KILL A B!SH!!

Let's visit Shania's story. Her best friend the person she confided in about EVERYTHING was screwing her husband. Shania said she would talk to the woman about her marriage and that she felt something was wrong.  This skank would tell Shania everything is okay it's your imagination.  Then the lady wasn't woman enough to give her an explanation when Shania found out about the affair. I WOULD KILL A B!SH!

Arnold Schwarzenegger this MF has some nerve. Not only did he cheat he fathered a child with a freaking maid. That is not even the worse part.  He allows the skank to keep working in the same house as his wife.  ULTIMATE DISRESPECT!! Paying her a salary and child support all while his wife doesn't know. I am sure Maria met this child and was very friendly to this skank.  From my understanding the hoe "retired" and received a severance package.  I WOULD KILL A B!SH!

In my personal experiences I've had two friends sleep with a guy I was dating (the same guy).  The funny thing is I was not surprised about one of the females because she was a whore and jealous.  The other female took me completely by surprise (not sure why because her past was questionable).  Ironically the guy in the situation confessed/apologized but the skanks still deny it. This other young lady was trying to be my friend and sleep with a guy I was dating.  Well I politely called her AT WORK and said the following "I don't mind you trying to fuck my man because he is a good man. You trying to be my friend and do it will get you an ass whooping." I was nineteen or twenty at the time #dontjudgeme.  She was so scared that she wouldn't even look in his direction. I ALMOST KILLED A B!SH!!

At this point I keep the men in my life private.  There is only one person I trust around the men in my life. PERIOD

What I don't understand is how do females even get in these situations.  My best friend already knows I don't want to meet someone she likes because they are irrelevant.  If we ever meet I don't want his number, email, facebook or twitter accounts. Some things are just out of order.  If ANY man she was dealing with even tried to call me I would immediately let her know (unless he was planning a surprise).  So how in the world are all these women sleeping with their friends husbands, boyfriends, and  hell even a jumpoff.  Why do they even have access to their mates.  Some people are just off limit!!

Yes the man took the vows and made the promise blah blah blah.... Women need to get more respect period.

I feel like this I can get another hubby, house, car, marriage, etc. I am not sure if I would ever be able to get another best friend. I am not sure if I would ever want to open myself up to another female in that way again.  Even if I did I would be giving her ass the side eye.

What are your thoughts?!  Sorry for the language but this pisses me off!!

When Should the Panties Drop

Disclaimer: Please keep the Bible out of the comments.  I am clear what the Bible states. I was raised in the church and know sex before marriage is a no, no. I struggle with pre martial sex but this article is not about the Bible...Thanks in advance!

How long should the panties stay up?! Great question.  I have heard so many responses when I asked single men and women their thoughts on the topic.

One male friend said "if a woman is not giving me any within 30 days then I'm cutting her off." Now this is CRAZY.  My response is what do you know about a person in 30 days that will  make you risk your life (HIV), health (STDs), and risk impregnating a FREAKING STRANGER!!!  He feels like why waste so much time getting to know a person and the sex ends up being WACK. 

His response hit home because I wasted plenty of time 9 months or longer keeping my panties on and when I finally let them down #EPICFAIL.  Then I  am attached because he is a great guy.  Well great guy and bad sex/little dick don't last long (at least not for me).  If I would have dropped my panties sooner I could have chucked him the deuces and saved tons of time.

I've never had a one night stand or sex on the first date for that matter. The times I had sex early (second date) I was not disappointed nor did I feel like I wasted time.  One turned into a long term relationship and the other was a boo! Either way I was not mad. So I totally get the the longer you wait it is a strong possibility that you will be disappointed.

Sex is very important to me in a relationship. Whether I drop the panties sooner or later I need him to have his bedroom game on point.

As long you are having sex because YOU want to and you are responsible DO YOU! 

When do you think it is too soon to drop the panties?!

Single Until Married

When I tell people "I am single until married" they are often confused.  Especially when I tell this to my significant other.  So I thought I would take the time to break down what this means TO ME!

Single until married means stay in your lane. Perform the duties that go along with your title. If you are not sure of the duties you should perform keep reading.

DATING
When dating you are SINGLE and you should be your only priority.  Therefore you really shouldn't (well I don't) do anything unless you want to. No need to compromise. If he can't get with you or you can't get with him tell him "we're incompatible." No need to waste your time.  I was once told "dating in like  American Idol let the best man win" That is the now my motto.

IN A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP
This is really tricky for most people. However this is the area were the boundaries need to be set. If not you will find yourself performing wife duties and your just a girlfriend.  When I am in a relationship I am still SINGLE (there is no box for go together) but I have made a conscious decision to be monogamous. This does not mean I am washing your clothes, cooking you dinner, cleaning your house, picking up your dry cleaning, helping you pay bills, etc.  At the same time I am not asking a man to cut my grass, move furniture, etc. I have family and male friends for that. 

Women tend to take the title has girlfriend and go over board.  I learned the hard way not to do that.  If you are doing ALL that and not his wife why should he marry you.  I will tell a man I'm in a relationship with "oh I don't do any of that. If that is what you want WE ARE INCOMPATIBLE." Don't get me wrong I will let him know I can cook, clean, etc. I may help with run an errand but it is when it is convenient for me and not because it's my job.  I am doing it because he is the BOMB and I want to surprise my baby! I've found that he appreciates it a lot more when I do on my time and not his.

When in a committed relationship I am faithful but not a dummy.  At the end of the day my options are always open. Meaning I keep male friends and will make new male friends. I do not believe in closing myself off just because we go together. #chileplease

At this point in my life if a man wants me acting like his wife he needs to put a ring on it!

What are your duties in the above roles? Do you agree or disagree?

My Dating Life or Lack Thereof

Let's just say I am a serial monogamist. I despise all this casual dating and game playing.  It seems like such a waste of time (I can buy my own dinner, movie, etc). However I am now single for the first time in about 10 years (several LONG term relationships) and dating is a must *roll eyes* and *sucks teeth.*  Making a conscious decision not to enter a relationship this past year has been very rewarding.  I admit I have gotten use to not being bothered with a person, not having to think about a persons feeling, not checking in, not having pity sex, etc.

I believe I am single due to my daddy (the bar is really high due to him), I'm extremely guarded, and some of the guys I've dated.  Now when it comes to dating/being in a relationship I consider my self an equal opportunist to some degree. I'm not stuck on titles, careers (although you need to do something), etc. Don't get me wrong I do have requirements but I am open to dating a blue collar man.  I just remember what my mother told me about my dad...he had millionaire potential when they married. She made the right decision by looking past where he was because where he IS...is on TOP! Can you tell I love my daddy?!

Basiclly I've dated dope boys (who happened to be my best BFs), entreprenuers (2nd best), a PSYCHO millionaire, and an old average corporate dude (who was ugly).  Each of them had their faults but I can honestly say I have never been dogged by any of them. They all spoiled me in their own special way. One of them would bathe me in the shower, then lotion me up after and serve in bed (he cheated but hey I can't be mad).

This bring me to today....I've been single for one year and booless for a short time. Now I'm on the prowl but I have no clue on how to start dating. I have so many rules and regulations until I AM IN MY OWN WAY. I don't want to be hooked up by friends (I'm private), I REFUSE to date online (seems so desperate), I don't like light skin men (which goes for white men), etc. I am sure you get the hint. Some of my tweeps have been giving me great ideas but I have yet to put them in motion.

So with all that do you all have any ideas for me to start this dating thing?! As you see I need some major help!