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Monday, June 6, 2011
When To Let Your Guard Down...
As a single woman it is often necessary for us to have our guard up. I have no clue when my guard even appeared but it is there. I am not sure if my outlook on love has always been grim because my parents divorced, the things I witnessed or the fact that people make damn fools of themselves all for love. I do know I have NEVER had a broken heart and I can honestly say I may have only been in love one time (even then I am on the fence about it). Instead I have been in long term relationships that when they are over I may be sad (for a hot second) but essentially walk away without a scratch. At the end of the day I believe my desire to be in control has helped enforce my guard.
The control I have over my feelings are unreal. I did not cry as I signed the paper to remove my mother from life support, I did not cry when she took her last breath, I did not cry at her funeral nor did I cry at the burial. I spent that time making sure everyone around me was not falling apart. Instead I had a breakdown home alone a couple of months later. I also remember quickly crying in front of my best friend twice. Oh and I remember crying when I had to approve the body.
I typed all that to say this…..
I recently met this guy who for all purposes has me smitten. I am now faced with staying guarded and not enjoying the moment or rolling with my feelings. Either way I think I am going to be screwed (I’m working on not expecting the worse will blog about that later).
How do I enter this with an open heart/mind without losing control? All this has my mind completely blowed...
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6 comments:
I did not cry during my moms funeral either. When I went to approve her body her friends were crying and I was like omg why can't I cry like this. I even heard my moms girlfriends saying I needed to cry it out but I just could not. I don't usually let my guard down either especially for a man but when you know it your guard will lift even if it's for a moment. Good luck people say its ok to let your guard down it shows a different side of you I have not learned how to do that as of yet.....
That's a tough one! I have no advice but I am glad you are "open" to trying to be open.
As for dealing with death and other traumatic experiences I just think comforting others is the way you cope. I'm sort of the same way. I rarely get emotional when everyone else seems to be falling apart. I usually deal with my grief or other emotions when I can be alone. Often times I think a certain thing isn't even going to affect me and then months later I am finally able to have a release of emotion that I didn't even know was there or necessary.
Anyway, I hope this guys is that person with whom you can let go and freely give your heart. It's natural to feel a little guarded, but since you want to be open (which is the first step) I'm sure you'll find a way. Good luck with this one...is he the reason you've been missing from Twitter lately??? :)
Do it cautiously and with prayer.. I promise it changes things. I am a tough one also...sometimes it hurts/hinders me...
Please, please, please don't hold back if your heart tells you otherwise. Nice post - best of luck, I'm sure you'll stumble upon the answer...
I agree with Ghost. Trust your heart. I trust mine and its the best thing I've ever done. I'm guarded when it comes to relationships but my heart let's me know when to give a little.
Go with the flow! Enjoy it.
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