Single until married means stay in your lane. Perform the duties that go along with your title. If you are not sure of the duties you should perform keep reading.
DATING
When dating you are SINGLE and you should be your only priority. Therefore you really shouldn't (well I don't) do anything unless you want to. No need to compromise. If he can't get with you or you can't get with him tell him "we're incompatible." No need to waste your time. I was once told "dating in like American Idol let the best man win" That is the now my motto.
IN A COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP
This is really tricky for most people. However this is the area were the boundaries need to be set. If not you will find yourself performing wife duties and your just a girlfriend. When I am in a relationship I am still SINGLE (there is no box for go together) but I have made a conscious decision to be monogamous. This does not mean I am washing your clothes, cooking you dinner, cleaning your house, picking up your dry cleaning, helping you pay bills, etc. At the same time I am not asking a man to cut my grass, move furniture, etc. I have family and male friends for that.
Women tend to take the title has girlfriend and go over board. I learned the hard way not to do that. If you are doing ALL that and not his wife why should he marry you. I will tell a man I'm in a relationship with "oh I don't do any of that. If that is what you want WE ARE INCOMPATIBLE." Don't get me wrong I will let him know I can cook, clean, etc. I may help with run an errand but it is when it is convenient for me and not because it's my job. I am doing it because he is the BOMB and I want to surprise my baby! I've found that he appreciates it a lot more when I do on my time and not his.
When in a committed relationship I am faithful but not a dummy. At the end of the day my options are always open. Meaning I keep male friends and will make new male friends. I do not believe in closing myself off just because we go together. #chileplease
At this point in my life if a man wants me acting like his wife he needs to put a ring on it!
What are your duties in the above roles? Do you agree or disagree?
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7 comments:
I agree with everything except the male friends helping out with stuff while the boyfriend in committed relationship doesn't...
i get that the biggest thing is that i am asking my BF to do husband duties. a real man will say hell no...i will do it! lol
I think you make some great points. If you do start taking on the wife/husband role before a ring has been put on it, then the other person honestly has no motivation to then make your relationship permanent. I think that we in America need to remember these guidelines and we'll a lot more successful relationships.
Looking back on my relationship with my husband, I can admit that I was guilty of being the girlfriend and performing wifely duties. I think that was one of the reasons we bumped heads and had most of the problems we did. Thankfully, we worked through them and got on the right track.
Well first...I am a wife and I don't do any of these duties you have mentioned: washing your clothes (husband does the laundry), cooking you dinner (I don't have time for that), cleaning your house (we both do that), picking up your dry cleaning (nope, not that either), helping you pay bills (child please, I'm a grad student...I ain't got no money!). I want you to look at marriage differently than the way society presents it to you. You can have a marriage that is counter-cultural. So what are the duties of a wife, in my opinion: to be supportive of her husband, to respect him, to encourage him, to pray for him, to have his back at all times. Notice I did not mention a single household chore. I think even a girlfriend who exemplifies these qualities is playing her role or is at least in practice of the skill set you will need when you become a wife. Being a wife (at least a Christian wife) is all about being of service. We should be looking for ways to serve out spouse because that is what God requires of us as wives. In fact, he requires that we serve other at all times, not just in the bounds of our marriages. Marriage requires a willingness for you to sacrifice your needs for the benefit of your spouse. Marriage, when it works properly should bring about a sudden death to one's self. Its not about you anymore, its about your spouse. If you can't say you're ready for all of this...
Jocelyn I don't believe marriage or the roles of a wife are defined by what I listed above. I understand marriage and the duties of the people involved are different for every couple. I don't think anywhere in the article I gave my perception of marriage. I don't care to do many of the things I listed and may not do then if I ever get married. They were examples!! nothing more or less.
The point of this post was to let people know their duties should reflect their title. I am not going to do ANYTHING wife does if we aren't married. Those things could be what I mentioned, you mentioned or what another person may believe. When SINGLE I am MY priority!
did you steal this from a belle in brooklyn? Some of what you wrote is literally regurgitated from her formspring. And since ive seen your formspring pic on her site, im just wondering if you took this from her...one thing to piggy back but you literally plagarized in some areas
Mara i have stated this for years....feel free to ask any of my exes my opinion view point etc in.this issue. My granny taught me this years ago.
Yes I am on her formspring but no I didn't plagarize. Belle is great but she is not the first or last person to have this view point. In fact I rarely read her formspring and I hv only been to her blog once.
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