I have broken down my friendships into four categories:
DEAD
Within the past year I have ended two friendships. One person had been my friend since high school (9th grade) and the other since I was 18 years old. I will say since I've ended those relationships my life has been easier. I am no longer hearing their drama (which hadn't changed in all those years), no longer drained from our conversations and most importantly I don't feel like I talking to someone who has not even asked how my day went...
LIFE SUPPORT
I have two friends on their way out the door. They are both extremely negative and complacent. They aren't motivated and we don't have anything in common. I only speak to one by email once every couple of months and the other I will talk to her on the phone but #icant deal with her that long.
MY HEARTS
Then there is my BFF. She and I have known each other since 8th grade but our friendship didn't start until 11th grade. She is honestly my twin. She is dependable, funny, honest, my calculator, my conscious and she is loyal. After all this time we have not grown apart. I can count on her to tell me the truth not matter if she thinks my feelings will get hurt. She will tell me I am wrong but support me all at the same time. Most importantly I can be myself and not worry if I am being judged!!! There are a couple more that fall into this category but my BFF is the queen...lol
FRIEND LIFT
I've been saying I need new friends for quite sometime but I didn't know how to go about meeting them. I hate to admit I am not the friendliest person at times. How was I going to meet new people? Twitter. lol I never thought I would actually meet people on Twitter. To date I have met 3 lovely ladies and we have hung out. I also met some new people when I trained at Gymnetics. We meet for lunch and just have fun together. I have no idea where these new friendships are going but I am glad I met them. It has made me much more open to meeting other people.
The old saying reason, season and a lifetime has been true in my friendships.
Do you need a friend makeover? Have you already made over your friends?
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6 comments:
Girl I feel you on this post. Im still in need of some new friends. LOL!
I loved this issue of Essence Magazine "Girlfriend Edition". I too have found myself in the same situation as you with friends. I have some from college but we all kind of went our own way, some that are dead friendships that I honestly thought would last forever (as in I considered them a sister instead of just a friend), and some that I just started within the last year and I felt how did we not meet earlier. LOL! My mom always tells my sister and I that if you can count your true friends on one hand you are doing good...she always says as you get older and your life changes some people are there for the long run and their are some that arent...and I have really experienced this in these last couple of years. But I will say "Thank The Lord" because I felt that God really cleaned house for me...he got some old friends out of there and which made room for some new genuine friends!!!
Carissa
@Icon girl I speak to everyone know...and Twitter has been such a great help.
@Green Eye your mother is correct. I am GRATEFUL for my hearts but I do need to add new people to my circle. The new friendships may be for a season but hopefully they have a reason.
xoxoxo
I agree that the friendships may be for a season not everyone is going to be the root that you need some people come into your life to serve a purpose and once that purpose is served they no longer need to be a part of your circle. I don't usually drop friends like that because to call you a freind is something that is dear to me or I would never call you a friend I will call you an associate. Twitter has been a great to meet new people which I needed to do because it has been so long since I have openned myself up to others i am afraid of being hurt by people thats why I don't usually open myself up but it is time. You don't need a lot of friends but I think 3 or 4 good ones in your corner is something that is needed. I also think that a real friend will tell you what you don't want to hear, fight with you then call you the next day, and be there when you need it the most. I feel as we grow our friends will change the ones that remain are the true ones. Good luck in your journey
Funny,my sister and I just had the conversation - 'What do you do when you have out grown your friends?' I love this blog, because I have done the whole friend cleaning thing as well. Every person you have described, I can relate to - sounds like we know the same dang people. I politely sent out Dear John letters- via email, letting them know why I just was not able to be a good friend to them anymore. I feel really free! It DOES get lonely, but I don't want to go back - almost like a 'get outta jail' friendship card. Family too for that matter. And also, I am a very friendly person - but no,I'm not good at making new friends. To be a good friend takes responsibility, and all the previous used it all up! So.... Caramel Glam - I feel ya!
Sadi
I've just gone through a friendship overhaul too and Twitter is really great at opening me up to new people even if most of my new "friends" are in Atlanta and Canada lol
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